Seeing You On The Other Side
by LilMisfit5290
Summary: Carrie's first time back at the cabin since losing Brody, and her first Christmas with their daughter. One-shot. Set post S3 finale.


Alright so since the finale, really been wanting to do a proper tribute as it were to Carrie/Brody, and today this idea just kinda came to me. I'm not usually one for one-shots and I was intending on having this be multi-chap, but now I feel like it's content being this. Got pretty choked up writing it too, but take it as you will.  
Hope everyone reading this has a nice holiday! After Christmas it'll be back to regularly scheduled Suddenly. :)

* * *

The cabin was strung up with lights and Maggie was inside decorating the tree with the girls. Frank had hit the eggnog hard but was entertaining himself playing peekaboo with a giggly Nicole.

It was her first Christmas and she was decked out in a little red and white onesie, and a knit hat with felt reindeer antlers that didn't do much to conceal her strawberry blond locks.

Josie had bought and dressed her in the cap hoping to cheer her aunt, who was outside on the porch sipping her spiked hot chocolate, solemnly looking out at the lake.

"Mom, is Auntie Carrie okay?", the girl asked as Maggie glanced out the window, let out a sigh.

"Why don't you and Ruby finish with the ornaments? I'll go check on her."

Walking past Frank she took the baby from him, got a pout.

"Hey! Where are you going with my best girl?"

"I'm gonna take her to see her mommy."

"Goddammit, she's still out there?", Frank asked, but his question was answered as he glanced out at his youngest stepping off of the porch.

"I thought spending Christmas at the cabin would do her good. Help this place not be all about _that_ weekend."

"All about _him_ you mean.", he muttered, getting a cautionary look from Maggie.

"Hey, I love my granddaughter to bits but it doesn't mean her wingnut bomber of a daddy's high on my list."

"Dad!", Maggie snapped, instinctively shielding the baby's ears as Ruby and Josie turned, frowned at them.

"Everything's fine, monkeys! Keep decorating the tree, it looks beautiful."

Watching as the girls nodded, obeyed, Maggie shot Frank a glare then zipped a furry white puffball of a coat around Nicole.

"C'mon, let's go see your mommy."

Carrie had since wandered down towards the dock. After swigging down the last of her hot chocolate she refilled her mug with the contents of her flask. Straight bourbon. It still tasted like gasoline but it was certainly doing the trick.

Plopping down onto the picnic bench she stared out at the lake, chin quivering as she wrapped her hands around the mug, took another sip.

"Carrie? Carrie?!"

When she didn't respond, Maggie let out a sigh, walked up to sit beside her on the bench.

Seeing who was with her Carrie slammed her mug down on the table, rolled her eyes.

"Jesus Christ Maggie! It's fucking freezing out here! She shouldn't.."

Handing over the fluffy white bundle, Maggie watched, grinned as Carrie's expression softened and she cradled her daughter close. Ran her cheek over her tiny face, button nose, getting the girl drooling and babbling.

"She missed you."

"Look, I told you already why I couldn't...I had to get out of there before I fucking lost it."

"I know, I know. The girls understood. So did Dad. Maybe coming down here for the holiday wasn't the best idea.", Maggie sighed as Carrie let out a snort, brought Nicole down onto her lap.

"I just thought, having new memories about this place would be good for you."

"Well you thought wrong.", Carrie snapped before bowing her head, wiping at her eyes.

"It was too soon for me to come back here, Maggie."

"It's been over a year.", Maggie reminded, fixing Nicole's cap.

"She could be twelve and it'd be too soon.", Carrie spat, moving the baby onto Maggie's lap as she stood up.

Stumbling slightly as she did so, leading her to brace herself on the dock railing.

"Carrie! Are you-"

"I'm fine."

Shaking her head Maggie reached for the mug, sniffed the contents disapprovingly.

"Bourbon? The last time it was silver tequila."

"Well a little variety never hurt anyone."

"What about her?", she spat, nodding to the girl on her lap as Carrie glared.

"Carrie, I'm serious. If you keep this up-"

"You'll what?! Take her away from me? Let you and Dad raise her like you'd probably planned to all along!", she snarled as Nicole started whimpering.

"Fuck."  
Walking back over, taking her from Maggie, Carrie cradled her close, gently bounced her.  
"Shhh, I know. It's okay..it's okay..."

Voice cracking she squeezed her eyes shut against tears. Sinking back onto the bench she hid her face in the knit cap's felt antlers.

"Shhh, Carrie..", Maggie soothed, moving closer to her and rubbing her back.

"I can't do this, Maggie! I can't!"

"Yes, you can. You have been since the day she was born, sweetie."

"But it wasn't supposed to be like this!", Carrie cried.

"I know...I know."

"I mean you know he was supposed to..."

"I know he was. I know."

Slipping an arm around her Maggie hugged her, let her cry it out while Nicole started squirming in between the two of them.  
"What's she doing?", she laughed.

"She doesn't like being trapped.", Carrie sniffled, sitting up as she wiped her eyes.

"What?"

"I'm serious. She completely hates her play pen. Keeps trying to climb out of her crib."

"She's like you that way."

"More like her dad."  
Shrugging sadly she scooped Nicole up, kissed her cheek.

"Though he wouldn't have minded being stuck in the kitchen. You'd be helping him bake cookies right now, right?", she cooed, getting the baby giggling and Maggie smiling.

"Wait, you wouldn't be helping too?"

"Are you kidding? He wouldn't have let me near the stove.", Carrie smirked.  
"Not after the last time, anyway."

"Why? What happened.", Maggie asked.

"I overmashed the potatoes and underbaked the rolls. Nothing for dinner was edible that night except for the salad."  
"He liked to cook too?"

"He knew his way around that kitchen better than I ever will. Even our first trip. He...he looked at home here.", Carrie sighed, blinking back fresh tears before tearing her eyes away from the water, looking directly at her sister.

"We could've been happy, right?"

"I don't know, Carrie. I have no way of knowing that."

"No. I know we could've. We would've had each other, we would've had her. We..we would've been. I fucking know it.", she said firmly before she let out a sigh. Looked out at the lake.

"Well, at least you have her.", Maggie reminded, tickling the baby as Carrie turned back towards her.

"You've got the best parts of both of you now. Every time you and Brody ever smiled or laughed or loved each other. You need to hold onto that now. Hold onto her. It's the best way you can keep him alive.", she said knowingly. But regretted her words when Carrie's face fell.

"But he never should've died! I..I never should've, I could've done more, I-"

"No, Carrie. No!", Maggie snapped as Nicole whimpered, snuggled closer to Carrie's chest.

"Jesus, Maggie! I-"

"I'm sorry. But you know as well as I do you can't go down that road. Not again. If you go back to that dark place again, if you start blaming _yourself_-"

"Maggie, stop. I'm okay. I _am_.", Carrie assured, rubbing Nicole's back as she started squirming.  
"I fucking have to be."

"You will be. Okay. You've got me, Dad, the girls. We're all here for you, okay?"

"I know that, I do.", she said, managing a soft smile as Nicole continued to whimper, shift around.

"What's wrong, little monkey? Got ants in your pants?", Maggie laughed as Carrie frowned, got Nicole resituated on her lap so she was looking at the lake. Watching closely as she calmed, started giggling.

"She...she likes the water."

Wiping her eyes she let out a light laugh, then looked on curiously as Nicole looked up, squealed.

"She likes that too.", Maggie noted, pointing to a particularly bright star.

"Agh, we should've come out later. It's supposed to get clearer, we'd see a couple thousand at least."

"No, it's okay, really.", Carrie said, blinking back tears as she held onto her still giggly, babbling little girl. Smiling all the while.

"She just needs one."


End file.
